N/A: The fifth chapter is when Saika feels at the lowest of her mental state, and I also hope people enjoy some major development for Tokio that wasn’t even shown in the game.
“How did you even find me, Tokio?”
His shock was palpable as he noticed the change in her expression, now filled with sorrow, anguish, and despair. Just as Sogabe had warned him over the phone, he began to suspect that Saika might be contemplating or even planning to take her own life.
Her grief was far more profound than anything he had experienced during AIKA’s loss. The suffering and torment she endured had taken a severe toll on her mental health, leaving it in a fragile state.
It was truly heartbreaking for Tokio to see how much more she had suffered compared to him. He felt a deep pity for her, often berating himself for not doing anything to help her during her year of despair.
He took a slow, measured breath, striving to maintain his composure and avoid arousing her suspicion.
“Well, Sogabe-san told me where you are,”
Tokio responded to her, and suddenly, she looked up, shocked by his revelation about Sogabe’s involvement in finding her.
“W-What, S-Sogabe-san?! B-But how?!”
Frustrated by the revelation, she pressed on, and continued,
“You! Do you know what you’re doing?”.
When she raised her voice slightly, it was surprising to see such a reaction linked to his mention of Sogabe. It was hard to believe that she would react so strongly, even though he was trying to help Tokio find Saika.
“I ask you the same thing, Saika-chan,”
Tokio, raising his voice slightly in an attempt to shift the conversation away from her questions, said,
“Why? Why did you even disappear? Where have you been all this time?”
“For a year I’ve been searching for you, but can’t even find any single trace of you,”
“You know that I’ve been worried about you,”
These questions weighed heavily on Tokio’s mind, his heart aching with genuine concern for her. His words and tone revealed the depth of his worry, showing how deeply he cared for her, even if she might not be willing to accept it.
AIKA’s death played a crucial role in shaping her emotions, mental state, and overwhelming grief. The devastating consequences of her actions were painfully evident, and Tokio could see the immense suffering she had endured. He felt a deep empathy, recognizing that he, too, had experienced a similar torment.
He was resolute in his determination to comprehend the depth of her pain and loss. His profound concern for her well-being was a driving force propelling him forward.
But for Saika however, is just what he expected, “Worried, me?”
“S-Saika-chan,” Tokio shocked,
“And why are you even here anyway? Are you here just wanting to blame me? What happened to you and AIKA?” her sharp words pierced the air, her eyes shooting daggers at Tokio with a cold indignation that conveyed her lack of acceptance of his concern.
Tokio refuted, “It’s not like that, I’m not here to blame you about what happened to me and AIKA-chan” he continued, “Believe me, I’ve been there, same as you, grieving alone for not just her, but you too,”
Saika made a hostile expression, “Don’t lump me the same as you, Tokio! Just so you know that I don’t need you to worry about me, nor need you to understand me,”
“Alright fine, I get it if you don’t want it, but at least tell me why, Saika-chan? What makes you think like that? I want to know.” Tokio grows even more concerned and asks.
Tokio held onto the belief that there must be a reason behind Saika’s disappearance and the circumstances that led to this moment. He resolved not to pass judgment, whatever the truth may be. All he wished for was a chance for Saika to explain things in her own words, to help him understand the situation.
Their conversation had escalated into a heated exchange, but as the tension simmered down, her once-hostile expression softened into one of sadness and melancholy. She realized that her emotions had perhaps gotten the better of her, understanding that Tokio hadn’t come here for confrontation.
She released a heavy sigh and bowed her head, her expression clouded with sadness.
“I was thinking, about when I shouted at Aura,”
Her words triggered a flood of memories, causing him to drift back to the day of their final battle against Aura. He remembered Saika’s impassioned shout at Aura, who had become consumed by the brainwashed virus, her intentions distorted by a twisted notion of love. It was a moment that endangered both worlds.
“What are you saying? Do you have any idea what’s coming out of your mouth?! Everyone around you is trying to save you, but you can’t think of anything but yourself, anything but your circumstances. You’re turning your back on something important. Why can’t you see that?!”.
She called out to Aura, her words filled with desperation, hoping against hope that Aura would come to understand the gravity of her actions. Yet, despite her pleas, Aura remained unchanged, leaving AIKA to make the ultimate sacrifice to halt Aura’s destructive path and restore her to her former self. It was a devastating loss for both Tokio and Saika, a gaping void left in their hearts by AIKA’s selfless act.
As he recalled the words Saika had shouted at Aura, he couldn’t shake the echoes of Saika’s past remarks reverberating in his mind.
“Oh, what a fool I was, to think that I told Aura that she was only thinking about herself, but the truth is, I was no better than Aura, all I do is nothing but only thinking about is myself. I couldn’t even care or think about you and anyone else, only myself… how selfish I was isn’t it,”
“I drag you so far into my mess, just for my selfishness, just to satisfy my good will, even thought it’s just an excused. In the end, I was much worse than Aura did.”
She clenched her hands tightly, a wave of realization washing over her. What she had done to Tokio and Aika was nothing short of selfishness and manipulation. She had single-mindedly used them, driven solely by her desire to find her brother, regardless of the consequences.
However, it all culminates in a whirlwind of shame, guilt, grief, regret, and despair as the consequences of her actions relentlessly haunt her.
“No, that’s wrong Saika-chan, even if what you say was based on your selfishness, but if it weren’t for you sending me to The World back then, I might not be able to experience the struggle that makes me who I am now,” Tokio refuting, he disbelief that Saika was the one who did to him, costing his life in the progress,
“BUT BECAUSE OF ME, AIKA DIED!” Saika exclaimed.
Tokio gasped at her words, his heart sinking as he sensed the weight of her depression, pain, and anguish. It was evident that she was burdened not only by her struggles but also by a profound sense of self-blame for the world’s turmoil and the loss of AIKA.
“Because of me, I placed my burden on you, because of me, you had suffered, because of me, I placed my burden on your family too, because of me, everyone in this world got hurt, because of me, AIKA sacrificed herself just to clear all the mess I did.”
“After all that happened, THERE’S NO WAY I COULD FACE YOU!”
She lifted her head, her eyes meeting Tokio’s with a profound sadness and grief reflected in them. Tokio couldn’t help but feel a pang of sorrow as he witnessed Saika’s persistent self-blame etched across her face.
“Everything was my fault… everything… everything… everything…”
Afterward, she collapsed to the floor, her hands clutching her shoulders tightly. Her gaze dropped to the ground, her face obscured as tears streamed down her cheeks, each drop falling to the floor below with a soft patter.
“Saika-chan,” Tokio said,
He felt a profound sympathy for her sorrow and a deep sense of shame for her actions, burdened by the weight of her sins and the grief over the loss of AIKA.
Tokio never harbored blame or judgment towards her. He empathized deeply with the emotions she grappled with—the sense of helplessness and vulnerability, the inability to prevent AIKA from sacrificing herself. He understood the magnitude of their loss, sharing in the same pain that she carried within her heart.
Despite the slow trickle of tears and the gradual easing of her sadness, a lingering ache remained in her heart, refusing to be erased, until…
“You know, I wish I could just disappear, die, or something,” Saika said.
“Eh… S-Saika-chan,” Tokio was shocked.
“You came here because Sogabe-san already told you, right, he must have already figured it out from what I’m doing right now, that’s why he told you to come here,” Saika explained.
“D-Don’t tell me,”
Tokio felt a pang of panic as he heard words like “disappeared” or “die” slip from her lips. It was exactly what Sogabe had predicted, the outcome he had feared for her.
“Y-You’re going to kill yourself?”
A creeping fear began to take root deep within him. His concern for her intensified, fearing that she might resort to actions she shouldn’t even consider.
“Don’t be stupid,”
She sighed as she was annoyed by him making such an assumption,
“Of course, I won’t do something so reckless… maybe,”
Saika rose from the ground, brushing away her tears before speaking to calm him down.
But, her words ‘maybe’ weren’t enough for him to calm down after Saika said such a dangerous thing,
“Don’t play a joke, Saika-chan, are you seriously going to do this?” Tokio said,
“I don’t know, I was planning to do that, until you came… well, I guess I had no clue anymore, but maybe I’m still on set to do that,” Saika explained,
“S-Saika-chan, but why? Why do you want to lay down your life so much bad for that,” Tokio’s voice trembled with fear and concern as he asked, the weight of the possibility settling heavily on his shoulders. The thought of Saika attempting suicide filled him with a deep, gnawing dread. He couldn’t bear the idea of something happening to her.
Saika-chan answered with two words, “I wonder,”
“h-huh?,” Tokio was shocked of how she responded.
Saika pivoted on her heel, preparing to offer her explanation, “The truth is, after Jyotaro left me alone, I was so used to being this lonely, unneeded, and being forgotten,”
“You did? I had no idea” Tokio’s question hung in the air, his reaction betraying his shock at hearing such a cruel story from her past for the first time.
Saika nodded, “All my life was nothing but bullied, betrayed, and much worse, being abandoned, alone… I never was a center to anyone before I came to your school, so I used to be alone and didn’t open up with anyone but AIKA…”
As she reflected on her past, a veil of sadness descended over her eyes, dredging up memories she had long tried to forget. Tokio, hearing her words, realized he had no inkling of the depths of her suffering, far worse than anything she was experiencing in the present.
She then continued, “But after I came to your school and met you, all things different, I thought I found somewhere that I could belong, believing that I wasn’t alone anymore. At the bottom of my heart, I was happy, for anyone recognizing who I am right now, to have friends that none could experience something like that. But then… I realized something…”
“That I don’t deserve any of this,”
Tokio could only listen, taken aback as Saika recounted her journey for the first time since she came to his school. Her words carried a weight that left him surprised and intrigued. Then, with a solemn expression, Saika continued her narrative, her story unfolding with a palpable sadness in her voice and on her face.
“As I focused on finding Jyotaro onii-chan, I began to forget what happiness I was given. As soon as my existence in your school reduced, I began to realize, that not every happiness lasts longer, since the beginning, they only see me for who I am from the outside, but you and AIKA are the only people who look at the inside of me.”
“When you began set your eyes all the time on AIKA instead of me, I was jealous at first… but now, I feel like I’ve begun to accept it slowly,”
“And now more things have passed, I’ve begun to learn that all this time, my happiness was just fake, created by my false self that covered true one, delusional and lies that give to them… now I’ve realized, I was just an outcast, gods never grant me that such happiness in the first place, nor even let me being a center to anyone, including you and AIKA.”
“I was nothing… nonexistence, just a person who should have just been alone and never existed, instead try involved and burden anyone’s life just my selfishness,”
Tokio felt a wave of sadness wash over him after listening to Saika’s story. It served as a stark reminder of his own past, a time when he too had lost someone truly precious. AIKA was not the first. He understood the depths of loneliness and the agony of loss, a pain that Saika was enduring even more intensely.
He knew what it felt like to lose someone important, to feel regret, grief, and powerlessness, and also to feel isolated by everyone around him in his childhood. Yet, despite his sorrow, his ideals of heroism and the promise he made to himself had kept him moving forward. Even though he was now the hero who had somehow saved the world, in reality, he was still just a boy—an ordinary boy who loved video games, and who felt loneliness and vulnerability. But he continued to push forward, fighting his own battles in the real world.
His journey, meeting the Twilight Knights, battling Schicksal, and encountering AIKA, had shaped him into who he was. Every step he took, he fought for his dream, to remember them and the journey he had made.
But what about Saika?
Saika, who had lost everything, had involved Tokio and AIKA in her battles, leading to the deaths of hundreds for her selfishness and obsession. From the start, she had no one but herself, experiencing a profound loneliness that Tokio had never fully grasped. He felt ashamed for not recognizing the extent of her suffering, realizing that someone was enduring far worse than he had.
She had so much to lose, so much to suffer, and so much to grieve.
“S-Saika-chan,”
Unaware of the depth of Saika’s suffering and the cruelty she endured, Tokio couldn’t shake off the overwhelming sadness and guilt for not recognizing her pain sooner.
Now, standing before him, Saika wanted to be free from all that pain. That’s why Tokio couldn’t overlook it any longer.
And then Saika speaks out,
“I’ve been thinking that it would be nice if you and AIKA had a happy life instead of me… if AIKA was here, I hope I could give up my existence and let her own my body for the rest of her life… live happily ever after with you, and me, just prefer left alone in the shadow where no one should ever know my existence,”
“But now, AIKA’s no longer here with me anymore, she went as far as up in the sky… leaving me alone in this world that is so damn cruel… but that was for the best indeed for her to be happy up there, rather than staying with someone who was trash like me,”
Hearing her words, Tokio’s heart sank deeper into sadness and fear, gripped by the weight of her desire to vanish from the world. The self-deprecating term ‘trash’ cut deep, each syllable a painful reminder of her inner turmoil. His body trembled with hurt, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. He struggled to contain his emotions, the turmoil within him threatening to overflow. “Saika-chan…”
Saika shifted her body once more, her gaze locking onto Tokio once again, “So… let’s end this… end all of this… I want you to forget about me, Tokio.”
“Grrh…”
Tokio closed his eyes, his teeth clenched in frustration. He couldn’t bear to meet Saika’s gaze as she pleaded for him to forget her, to erase her from his memories. But in that moment, he grappled with a painful realization: all their shared adventures in The World, all the memories they had created together, seemed to hang in the balance, threatened by her request. Was forgetting someone, at her behest, truly the best solution to ease the pain they both endured from losing AIKA?
“I want to thank you for coming and finding me, greeting me with the same smile I always hoped for from you, hearing all my idiotic stories that truly don’t matter to you…”
“But still… I’m happy that I could have met you for one last time… you’re the first one who’s willing to understand me, and cares about me since AIKA, even though it annoys me a lot…”
“But, I’m truly grateful for what you did. For the first time in my life… you’ve given me the true happiness that I had wanted for so long, for the final time.”
“I never regret choosing you, Tokio. From the bottom of my heart, I’m truly grateful, that it’s you,”
As Saika expresses her gratitude to Tokio, he notices her smile—a smile that is both pure and sincere, yet tinged with profound sadness. It’s the same expression AIKA wore before her final sacrifice, a beautiful yet melancholic visage etched into his memory. Their shared expressions become a poignant moment, a reminder of the cyclical nature of their experiences. The repetition of such moments only serves to deepen Tokio’s pain, leaving an indelible mark on his heart.
His chest felt heavy with the weight of sadness, knowing that this might be the last time he would see her. If there was no tomorrow for her, everything would come to an end, and the pain would only deepen. He grappled with overwhelming guilt, feeling powerless in his inability to help her, despite his desperate desire to make a difference.
The pain is something that Tokio will bring whenever he goes…
“Maybe, you should do that too, Tokio”
“Forgetting about me is my last wish I could ask from you, so I hope yo-“
But… not this time…
“I can’t do that,”
Tokio interrupted her abruptly, his words catching her off guard. It was the one thing he truly couldn’t bring himself to accept… no… he would never accept any of this…
“H-Huh?”
Saika was confused and shocked.
“There’s no way I could do that, Saika-chan!”
With unwavering determination, Tokio exclaimed, his resolve firm and his expression resolute. His gaze locked onto her with unwavering conviction, no doubts clouding his mind as he prepared to speak. This was his moment to set things straight, to make amends, even if just a little.
“W-Why… Why… Why… Tokio?”
It all left her feeling disbelief and disappointment…
TO BE CONTINUE
NEXT CHAPTER: I Refuse To Forget You!!
N/A: Honestly, I am aware that making Saika want to suicide will never be good, and I don’t want to say it’s good to increase emotional in-depth and drama that has never been done in the game.
But the intention was what I already mentioned in the previous chapter or so on, that every action has consequences for her, and even though she didn’t mean for that to happen, and even though it was Geist’s fault, everything is on her right now.
Saika, even though she’s serious, demanding, and tsundere, also harsh to Tokio, is a very kind person who has always been treated worse by her environment but even though she’s good and kind, she can also be trapped by her selfishness and obsession to fulfilled her goal, by using Tokio and AIKA to do at her will to find his brother even though she never meant for an ill will, until the incident struck at her.
The death of AIKA and Tokio’s being put in a coma, along with the deaths of 200 people during Immortal Dusk has lot major serious mental illness for her, she had gone through enough for all that, and it’s hard to make it even better, even though she had finally know that Jyotaro is still alive, that doesn’t change how much her actions has caused so much hurt to other people.
If I can guess it’s almost like “I got what I want, but at what cost?”. If I could find another way, maybe there’s a better story I could tell… well, I’m not gonna say, if this will be a good, better, or bad story, but would that even make sense for the narratives and her character.
Now for Tokio, I think this chapter has some major development and how he contrasts between him and what Saika had gone through (even though Saika’s experience is much worse than Tokio’s), and even though he could finally face the hardship he had now the real world, I want him to feel ashamed for not seeing one person who had felt much worst than him.
To me, Tokio is just a boy who is a hero, but not perfect, and flaws are truly expected and he too can feel the loneliness that Saika had felt, feeling isolated too by everyone, but Tokio stays positive and goofy, even inside he too can be at his vulnerable. Even so, he stays as he is and never despairs it, but the difference between him and Saika is not so much, yet far worse.
I wonder what will Tokio do next… find out the sixth chapter, and the final arc of their reunion… also I got tired of writing an author note, but it’s still important nonetheless.
If you had any more questions, don’t hesitate to comment down below, and I’ll gave you the answer you need, (Unless if I can, lol).
See you… in the next chapter… 😀
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